A Response: I am not a selfish mother

Last year, contributors of the Tampa Bay Moms Blog were asked to share their breastfeeding stories for a series during National Breastfeeding Week.  As a mom who never breastfed, I thought I would share my story.  If you missed it, you can read it {here}.  

Did I hope that a few other moms like me would read my story and feel good about their choice?  Yes!  Did I expect a few die-hard breastfeeding moms to take offense?  Absolutely.  Did I expect that my story would be shared over and over again on a number of forums?  No.  Was I prepared to read comments telling me I was selfish, unfit, and shouldn’t be a mother?  NEVER.  If I could do it over, would I share my story?  Probably not.

Months later, my heart skips a beat each time the article gets picked up and shared by sister sites.  In fact, one of my favorite photos of my son now fills me with anxiety when it shows up in my feed.  My head tells me to never, ever read the comments.  But I do.  Every time.  And each time, those hurtful comments leave me in tears, clinging to my husband, seeking validation for my choices.  My choice to formula feed.  And my choice to share my story.  The comments hurt so bad, but I can never bring myself to respond to them. 

Today, I respond.  

I chose to formula feed my baby.  My reason is irrelevant.  While I think many of my original comments have been taken out of context, the reason I made my choice is irrelevant.  There are other women just like me - women who choose from the beginning to formula feed their child.  There are other women who formula feed after trying unsuccessfully to breastfeed.  Their reasons, too, are irrelevant.  My body.  My baby.  My family.  My choice.

 

I love my child dearly.  With my entire being.  There isn’t a moment that goes by that my thoughts are not about him.  What’s best for him is my top priority at all times.  I am not a selfish mother because I chose to formula feed my baby.

I loved my child from the second I found out he existed.  To the woman who said I was so selfish that I probably drank during my pregnancy, I respond by letting you know you couldn’t be further from the truth.  I, in fact, took wonderful care of him while I was pregnant.  The same way I took wonderful care of him while I formula fed him.  The same way I take wonderful care of him now.  I am not an unfit mother because I chose to formula feed my baby.

I am not a judgmental mother.  For many reasons, we raise our child to be respectful of everyone – regardless of race, gender, or religion… or viewpoints, choices, or opinions.  It is important that I walk and speak is such a way that models the behavior I want to see in him as he grows up.  Participating in online “mommy wars” is not something I care to do.  I do not judge other mothers based upon their choices for their families.  The same way I would hope they don’t judge me.  However you choose to raise your child, do it with grace and dignity. 

           

God chose to bless me with this wonderful child.  To insinuate that I do not deserve to be his mother because of my choice to give him formula, is outrageous.  I deserve to be a mother.    

I chose to formula feed my baby.  

I am a good mother.