Chronicles of a Working Momma - A Response to the "You're A Stay At Home Mom" Article

Recently we’ve all seen this “You’re a Stay at Home Mom?” blog post go viral.  It’s all over our newsfeeds and people are quick to add their opinion each time they post it.  I’ve read it.  My coworkers and friends have read it.  It’s everywhere. 
 
At lunch a few weeks ago, the topic came up with a coworker - another working mom.  If you’re a stay at home mom, you might be surprised by our reaction to these types of articles.  By the tone of the articles, you probably think we wonder what you do all day.  In fact, you’re wrong.  We read these things and they bring tears to our eyes and add to the daily guilt we feel when we leave our children to head to work each morning.  I’ve never said “I wonder how nice it would be home and do nothing all day”.  To the contrary, I’ve also said “I couldn’t stay home all day.  I couldn’t cut it.”  I’m not cut out to be home with my son all day.  I get frustrated and tired and count down to the day I get to go back to work.  I wish I had the patience you do.  Does that make me a terrible mom?  NO.  Do I feel enormous amounts of guilt because I think this way?  EVERY DAY!  I am not alone. 

I can speak only for my friends and coworkers, but we do not judge those of you who stay at home.  To that end, we hope you don’t judge us.  The reasons why we work vary.  Maybe we worked really hard to reach this point in our careers and really enjoy what we do each day.  Maybe we need two incomes to meet our financial needs.  Maybe we work while our husbands or partners stay home with the kids.  Whatever the reason, it isn’t easy either. 

 

The same way you hear “What do you do all day?” we hear things like “It must be nice to get the break!” or “Are you okay with someone else raising your children?”  Let’s get this clear.  We get up at the crack of dawn, get the kids ready for school or daycare, drop them off, drive to work, work all day (I don’t know about you but I’m not out at coffee shops in the middle of the day on break; I’m WORKING).  Then we head home and start our second jobs as moms and wives.  We cook, we clean, we read bedtime stories, we spend time being wives and taking care of our husbands.  We have to fit in doctor’s appointments, parent-teacher conferences, and extra-curricular activities during the day.  We run errands and schedule appointments on our “breaks”.  No one is raising our children except us.  Sure we have “help” by way of daycare, school or nannies (that isn't free by the way!)  But that doesn’t make being a working mom any easier.  We feel guilty every day we make that drop off.  We worry all day about how our children are doing.  Are they being cared for the way we would care for them?  Are they hurt? Are they being abused or bullied?  Are they learning?  Are they eating?  All while dealing with the daily stresses of our jobs. 

 
We know how hard your job is.  So please, the same way we do not judge you for staying home, please do not judge us for working.  We are all women and mothers.  We should support one another and build each other up; not break each other down over our personal choices or circumstances as parents.