Career or Family: Can you have it all?

 

Lately, I've been put to the test with balancing work and family-life.  The legal field is not exactly known for its carefree work environment and while I am very fortunate to work in a firm that promotes family life there are times when 12 plus hour days, traveling, and working the entire weekend are required.  It's just the nature of what we do.  I absolutely love what I do and I'm grateful that my career is able to provide things for my family financially that we could not otherwise afford like private school and last minute getaways.  But preparing for a trial and being Supermom just don't coincide.  

Kyran is in preschool now which just means extra duties I was not anticipating at this age ... like making cute lunches, teacher appreciation gifts, themed weeks, and end of the school year parties.  In this age of social media we are bombarded with photos and comments by other moms - you know the ones.  Super cute handmade gifts for teachers or other students.  Playing outside in middle of the afternoon.  Homemade cookies.  Pinterest.  Things that us working moms only dream of being able to accomplish.  We can't help but to feel envious of one another or perhaps even inferior to one another.  

It's an accomplishment if I'm able to keep us all alive and the house relatively clean in a week (read: plates make their way to the kitchen... we're not talking Martha Stewart Home here!).  There's just not enough hours in the day to do everything.  I feel strongly about being a working mother - I think it provides lessons to my son that far exceed the financial aspect.  But I do sometimes wish I could be that vision of the Stay at Home Mom.  

So, is it possible to have it all?  Is it possible to be a stellar career lady, while being Supermom and a great wife?  I don't know.  Maybe I already have it all.  

Chronicles of a Working Momma - A Response to the "You're A Stay At Home Mom" Article

Recently we’ve all seen this “You’re a Stay at Home Mom?” blog post go viral.  It’s all over our newsfeeds and people are quick to add their opinion each time they post it.  I’ve read it.  My coworkers and friends have read it.  It’s everywhere. 
 
At lunch a few weeks ago, the topic came up with a coworker - another working mom.  If you’re a stay at home mom, you might be surprised by our reaction to these types of articles.  By the tone of the articles, you probably think we wonder what you do all day.  In fact, you’re wrong.  We read these things and they bring tears to our eyes and add to the daily guilt we feel when we leave our children to head to work each morning.  I’ve never said “I wonder how nice it would be home and do nothing all day”.  To the contrary, I’ve also said “I couldn’t stay home all day.  I couldn’t cut it.”  I’m not cut out to be home with my son all day.  I get frustrated and tired and count down to the day I get to go back to work.  I wish I had the patience you do.  Does that make me a terrible mom?  NO.  Do I feel enormous amounts of guilt because I think this way?  EVERY DAY!  I am not alone. 

I can speak only for my friends and coworkers, but we do not judge those of you who stay at home.  To that end, we hope you don’t judge us.  The reasons why we work vary.  Maybe we worked really hard to reach this point in our careers and really enjoy what we do each day.  Maybe we need two incomes to meet our financial needs.  Maybe we work while our husbands or partners stay home with the kids.  Whatever the reason, it isn’t easy either. 

 

The same way you hear “What do you do all day?” we hear things like “It must be nice to get the break!” or “Are you okay with someone else raising your children?”  Let’s get this clear.  We get up at the crack of dawn, get the kids ready for school or daycare, drop them off, drive to work, work all day (I don’t know about you but I’m not out at coffee shops in the middle of the day on break; I’m WORKING).  Then we head home and start our second jobs as moms and wives.  We cook, we clean, we read bedtime stories, we spend time being wives and taking care of our husbands.  We have to fit in doctor’s appointments, parent-teacher conferences, and extra-curricular activities during the day.  We run errands and schedule appointments on our “breaks”.  No one is raising our children except us.  Sure we have “help” by way of daycare, school or nannies (that isn't free by the way!)  But that doesn’t make being a working mom any easier.  We feel guilty every day we make that drop off.  We worry all day about how our children are doing.  Are they being cared for the way we would care for them?  Are they hurt? Are they being abused or bullied?  Are they learning?  Are they eating?  All while dealing with the daily stresses of our jobs. 

 
We know how hard your job is.  So please, the same way we do not judge you for staying home, please do not judge us for working.  We are all women and mothers.  We should support one another and build each other up; not break each other down over our personal choices or circumstances as parents. 

Chronicles of a Working Momma - The Dreaded Commute

Each morning, I pack Kyran up and make the LONG drive into Tampa, drop him off at the babysitter’s house, and head to work.  I work all day then make the LONG drive back home.  Door to door takes us roughly 1 hour and 30 minutes each way - given there’s no crazy traffic, accidents, buses, or trains.  We leave the house at 7:15 a.m. and get home around 6:15 p.m.  To sum it up…It sucks!

When I’m stuck in the car this long, it’s easy to get consumed with negativity.  In reality, we are quite fortunate.  Our drive takes us through some pretty rough areas of town - drug deals, prostitutes, homeless people, or mothers walking their children to the public bus stops or work in the sweltering Florida heat are daily sightings.  I am reminded that we have a wonderful life and so much to be thankful for.  I have a job that requires me to make this commute.  I have a reliable vehicle that takes us there safely.  I have wonderful childcare.  I try to remind myself of these blessings daily; and although he doesn’t understand yet, I explain to Kyran why we are fortunate each morning. 

On the most annoying days - those when I dream of a 15 commute or getting home before the sun goes down - I am always reminded of something someone once told me.  “Wow, it’s great that you get so much time in the car with your son.  By the time I get my kids loaded up, it’s only a 5 minute drive to where I drop them off and we don’t get to talk much.”  This simple statement has resonated with me and gotten me through many a long drive. 

When I think back, the car is where I’ve probably developed the relationship I have with my son.  We spend hours each day practicing his ABCs, counting to 20, pointing out different colors, shapes and objects, singing my own version of Wheels on the Bus that goes something like “the wheels on momma’s car go round, and round, and round, and round, and round….(you get the idea) all the way to Tampa”.

In a perfect world, I could work 5 minutes from the house, be home more, and not torture my child with a twice-a-day road trip.  However, our circumstances require otherwise.  So until Sam wins the lottery (which he swears will happen one day), we will continue our daily trek to Tampa and make the most of it. 

Do you commute?  How do you survive the drive?