Summer Bucket List 2014

I love a good list.   I have lists for everything!  A "To-Do" list.  A shopping list.  A project list.  A wish list.  A Christmas list.  A "things I'll never get to but why not dream" list.  You get the idea.  If I see goals on paper, I will work to accomplish them.  Otherwise, I tend to either forget about them or get overwhelmed with ideas and nothing gets done.  

Seasonal to-do lists are no different.  If I don't write down all the ideas I have for our family, summer will come and go and we will have done nothing "fun".  They also motivate me to get up and out of the house!  I can be bit of a hermit sometimes.  

We started the Summer Bucket List tradition last year as a way to spend quality time together as a family and stay on a very tight budget.  We didn't accomplish many of last year's ideas, but that's okay because that just meant those ideas made a reappearance on this year's bucket.  

Kyran helped put our clothespin ideas on the bucket.
They were all backwards, but he had a blast nonetheless!

Some of this year's summer plans include: 

• Visiting a splash park in the area.  
• Going on a family hike and picnic.
• Having a quick beach getaway.  
• Checking out Dinosaur World.  (K is obsessed with Dinosaurs right now!)
• Flying a kite.  I picked up a Superman kite months ago on a random Walmart trip and have just been waiting for a nice breezy break from our hot, humid 102 degree weather.  No luck yet!
• Having a BBQ with friends. 
• Making S'mores for the first time with K.  (This kid doesn't turn down anything chocolate).  

You can follow our summer adventures on Instagram @michellerae1 #summer2014

What plans do your families have for the summer?  If you need some more ideas, be sure to check out this great list of one-day trips from a fellow Tampa Bay Moms Blog contributor.  We might add a few of these places to the bucket!

Happy Summer!

Why I Love the "Terrible Twos"

Little K is just over 2 1/2 now and those terrible tantrums parents warn you about are in full effect.  Everyone warned us 3 is the worst and as he approaches that age, I can see why.  We have our fair share of meltdowns brought on by the wrong pajamas, the wrong colored dinner plate, just looking at him when he didn't agree to it .... you know what I'm talking about! Moments that make me consider becoming a raging alcoholic.  

But despite all those challenging moments, I really think I like this age the best.  So far, anyway. These tantrums are just evidence that K is learning to express himself and his opinions.  He's really developing his personality and loves to tell stories.  He's learning how to do things on his own - and really WANTS to.  Don't you dare try to help him get dressed or open his PlayDoh no matter how hard he struggles!  

This morning as we snuggled on the couch while he explained today's episode of Chuggington to me (at least from his unique perspective), I really had this moment of bliss.  What a sweet little boy he's becoming.  I'm just loving watching him grow.  

"1 - 2 - 3 - 4"

Comparison is the thief of MY joy.

I've said it before; one of my biggest flaws is how I compare myself- my things, my family, my job, everything - to other people.  I have to make a conscious effort every single day to find happiness in the present.  Not wishing for more of anything.  Not more time.  Not more money.  Not a bigger house.  It's been a constant battle for me as long as I can remember.  

Over the past year, I've really been working hard to find peace and rid myself of negativity.  Most days I do really well and I've been very proud of the changes I've made.  I'm genuinely content with where I am right now.  I'm happy being a family of 3 in a middle-class neighborhood.  I'm happy driving my "old" car.  I'm happy with my career.  But ... 

Sometimes it only takes one person, or one situation, to make me think otherwise.  It takes just one afternoon at a friend's amazing house surrounded by successful people - much more so than I will ever be - to make me leave feeling like that insecure little girl I was when I was 12.   The fact that I can let something so insignificant affect me makes me furious.  

I head into this week battling these feelings and struggling to mind contentment and peace again.  I have so much to be thankful for.  

Like this -

M

Hello 2014!

Hello 2014! I welcome you with eagerness! 

This blog started as a chronicle to our 2013 monthly "improvement" challenges.  This year you can expect to see much of the same as I continue to work to become a better parent, wife, employee, Christian, friend... {I have lots to improve upon}

 

So, what's on the agenda this year? 

 

For starters, and as a way to give back, be on the lookout for a monthly "project" from Creating a Happy Life.  Keeping details under wraps for now but this particular endeavor is near to my heart and I hope that it provides some inspiration to its recipients.  I've been incredibly blessed in my life and it's always important to me to give back.  This is my simple way of paying it forward and I hope you all enjoy it.  Follow #happyproject2014 and @michellerae1 on Instagram for more clues.

 

From a personal perspective, I have some big changes in store for 2014.  I've been presented with an opportunity that is proving to be life-changing for my family.  That might be a strong assumption, but I am really hopeful.  I cannot wait to see how things unfold. 

 

As for monthly challenges in 2014, here are some we have in mind:

 

 ~ Eliminate outside influences and distractions

 ~ Set aside time as a couple

 ~ Get back to what we enjoy

 ~ Give back

 ~ Complain less!

 

I came across this Declaration of Intention that could not be more perfect. 

 

This year, I will _____. 

I will let go of __________ & embrace ______.

I will honor my ____ and love my ______. 

 I will stand up & share my ____ with the world. 

This year, I will remember that I am loved and I am ENOUGH!

 

Here's how I completed my declaration:

 

This year, I will be happy.  I will let go of guilt, anger and anxiety and embrace change.  I will honor my husband and love my life.  I will stand up & share my gifts with the world.  This year, I will remember that I am loved and I am ENOUGH!

 

What are your intentions for the new year? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chronicles of a Working Momma - A Response to the "You're A Stay At Home Mom" Article

Recently we’ve all seen this “You’re a Stay at Home Mom?” blog post go viral.  It’s all over our newsfeeds and people are quick to add their opinion each time they post it.  I’ve read it.  My coworkers and friends have read it.  It’s everywhere. 
 
At lunch a few weeks ago, the topic came up with a coworker - another working mom.  If you’re a stay at home mom, you might be surprised by our reaction to these types of articles.  By the tone of the articles, you probably think we wonder what you do all day.  In fact, you’re wrong.  We read these things and they bring tears to our eyes and add to the daily guilt we feel when we leave our children to head to work each morning.  I’ve never said “I wonder how nice it would be home and do nothing all day”.  To the contrary, I’ve also said “I couldn’t stay home all day.  I couldn’t cut it.”  I’m not cut out to be home with my son all day.  I get frustrated and tired and count down to the day I get to go back to work.  I wish I had the patience you do.  Does that make me a terrible mom?  NO.  Do I feel enormous amounts of guilt because I think this way?  EVERY DAY!  I am not alone. 

I can speak only for my friends and coworkers, but we do not judge those of you who stay at home.  To that end, we hope you don’t judge us.  The reasons why we work vary.  Maybe we worked really hard to reach this point in our careers and really enjoy what we do each day.  Maybe we need two incomes to meet our financial needs.  Maybe we work while our husbands or partners stay home with the kids.  Whatever the reason, it isn’t easy either. 

 

The same way you hear “What do you do all day?” we hear things like “It must be nice to get the break!” or “Are you okay with someone else raising your children?”  Let’s get this clear.  We get up at the crack of dawn, get the kids ready for school or daycare, drop them off, drive to work, work all day (I don’t know about you but I’m not out at coffee shops in the middle of the day on break; I’m WORKING).  Then we head home and start our second jobs as moms and wives.  We cook, we clean, we read bedtime stories, we spend time being wives and taking care of our husbands.  We have to fit in doctor’s appointments, parent-teacher conferences, and extra-curricular activities during the day.  We run errands and schedule appointments on our “breaks”.  No one is raising our children except us.  Sure we have “help” by way of daycare, school or nannies (that isn't free by the way!)  But that doesn’t make being a working mom any easier.  We feel guilty every day we make that drop off.  We worry all day about how our children are doing.  Are they being cared for the way we would care for them?  Are they hurt? Are they being abused or bullied?  Are they learning?  Are they eating?  All while dealing with the daily stresses of our jobs. 

 
We know how hard your job is.  So please, the same way we do not judge you for staying home, please do not judge us for working.  We are all women and mothers.  We should support one another and build each other up; not break each other down over our personal choices or circumstances as parents. 

Embracing Change

At the start of 2013, one of the goals I set for myself was to meet other moms in the area.  Since Kyran doesn’t go to daycare, he isn’t around many kids and almost never around kids his own age.  I know it’s going to be important to get him socialized before he starts school.  The majority of our friends have children, however, most are much older than Kyran.  Meeting new moms was just going to be something I had to do.  I’m pretty quiet and some may say a bit of a loner (totally not a personality flaw in my opinion) so meeting new people was not going to be easy.  

 

 

I started looking for mom groups to join where I could meet new women and arrange for play dates for Kyran.  If you know me at all you know how excruciating that sounds for me to do.  But, my child’s needs before my own, off I went onto Meetup in search of the perfect Mommy Group for us.  Gag.  What I found was a bunch of groups for stay at home moms or moms that work, but not outside the home.  I joined the few groups that said they welcomed moms like me that work outside the home, only to be “kicked out” after not being able to attend the mid-day meetings and play dates.  Depressing and frustrating. 

 

 

Just when I had given up, I was given two wonderful opportunities to meet other moms in the area through an invitation to a social Mom Group started by one of my sorority sisters and by being selected as a contributor for the Tampa Bay Moms Blog. 

 

 

These opportunities, while blessings, have really propelled me outside of my comfort zone.  I’m meeting new people and writing about myself for the world to view.  Embracing this idea of change, I’ve even gone super crazy and eaten dinner ALONE for the first time in all of my 32 years.  Turns out, it’s not so bad.  I’m taking Kyran out more and getting to be more active in the community.  The thought of going out just him and I used to scare the crap out of me.  Now, I really look forward to our adventures while daddy is at work. 

 

 

This year of change is still a work in progress but I’m doing new things, meeting new people and really embracing these changes in myself. 

Chronicles of a Working Momma - The Dreaded Commute

Each morning, I pack Kyran up and make the LONG drive into Tampa, drop him off at the babysitter’s house, and head to work.  I work all day then make the LONG drive back home.  Door to door takes us roughly 1 hour and 30 minutes each way - given there’s no crazy traffic, accidents, buses, or trains.  We leave the house at 7:15 a.m. and get home around 6:15 p.m.  To sum it up…It sucks!

When I’m stuck in the car this long, it’s easy to get consumed with negativity.  In reality, we are quite fortunate.  Our drive takes us through some pretty rough areas of town - drug deals, prostitutes, homeless people, or mothers walking their children to the public bus stops or work in the sweltering Florida heat are daily sightings.  I am reminded that we have a wonderful life and so much to be thankful for.  I have a job that requires me to make this commute.  I have a reliable vehicle that takes us there safely.  I have wonderful childcare.  I try to remind myself of these blessings daily; and although he doesn’t understand yet, I explain to Kyran why we are fortunate each morning. 

On the most annoying days - those when I dream of a 15 commute or getting home before the sun goes down - I am always reminded of something someone once told me.  “Wow, it’s great that you get so much time in the car with your son.  By the time I get my kids loaded up, it’s only a 5 minute drive to where I drop them off and we don’t get to talk much.”  This simple statement has resonated with me and gotten me through many a long drive. 

When I think back, the car is where I’ve probably developed the relationship I have with my son.  We spend hours each day practicing his ABCs, counting to 20, pointing out different colors, shapes and objects, singing my own version of Wheels on the Bus that goes something like “the wheels on momma’s car go round, and round, and round, and round, and round….(you get the idea) all the way to Tampa”.

In a perfect world, I could work 5 minutes from the house, be home more, and not torture my child with a twice-a-day road trip.  However, our circumstances require otherwise.  So until Sam wins the lottery (which he swears will happen one day), we will continue our daily trek to Tampa and make the most of it. 

Do you commute?  How do you survive the drive?    



September Catch up

Man, I've been neglecting this blog the past few weeks!  Sorry guys!

If you haven't noticed, I've been busy getting used to my new gig as a contributor for the Tampa Bay Moms Blog!  I could not be more excited to have the opportunity to write for this blog.  I've been a fan of the blog since its inception.  It's a wonderful resource for Tampa moms and the contributors are an amazing group on women.  Anywho, you can find me there twice a month - every other Friday.  Be sure to head over to the page and follow us.

Earlier this month, we had the opportunity to spend a few days at the beach in Destin.  What a beautiful place.  We savored our rare family time, enjoyed the beach, and had a great time with family.  It took K some time to warm up to being somewhere new - we aren't good with change - but he had a great time with his grandparents, the waves, and the "big ocean". 

For the September challenge, I really wanted to cut back on eating out.  I eat at work way too much.  Mostly because I don't cook much at home anymore (no sense cooking for 1) and because I need to get out of the office for a while.  But with the holidays approaching, and the project list around the house increasing, I need to cut back.  My goal was to eat out just once a week.  I enlisted my lunch partner for help.  So far, we both suck!  But I have definitely brought my lunch more in the past two weeks than I have in months so that's a step in the right direction.  Every little bit counts. 

How do you save for the holidays?

Life with a Toddler: You cannot control everything!

In January, I decided I was going to repaint the entire house.  Last year, we had to make a very difficult decision about whether to stay in this house or not.  After lots of soul-searching, we decided to stay.  After we made that decision, I knew I needed to make some changes in order to be happy there.  It had been about 5 years since I painted the house and I had never been entirely happy with the way the colors turned out the last time.  I was not in a position to run out and pay for gallons of paint and supplies, so I asked for Lowe's gift cards for Christmas.  It took me a few months to decide on some colors and actually make it to the store to get the paint.  Then the paint sat in the garage for a few more months.  That brings us to June, when I decided to start painting.  I told myself I would just do small sections at a time at night as I could and that would be okay - not everything has to be perfect.  It's been about 2 months now and I literally have just patches of the walls painted.  It drives me nuts but I force myself to not worry too much about it.  I cannot control everything and if it takes a year, so be it. 

If you look closely in this picture, and look past the fact that my son decided to decorate himself, you can see that half my wall is beige and half is grey.  Don't judge! :)

Summer Bucket List - Check!

One of the items on our Summer Bucket List was to spend the day at The Florida Aquarium.  I scored an awesome deal on tickets through LivingSocial a while back.  (HINT: Be sure to check the pages for other cities nearby for some hidden deals!  I found this one on the Jacksonville page.) 

Sam decided to take a much needed day off last Sunday, so we decided we would make the trip down to the Aquarium, have lunch at one of our favs Tun-Du-Ree, and swing by the children's museum to pick up our annual passes (Another LivingSocial deal! I refuse to pay full price for anything!)

The trip didn't exactly go as planned.  We left the house at the time we wanted to be at the Aquarium, K wasn't feeling it, my camera wasn't working, our lunch spot was closed, and by then the fam was grouchy so we just headed home without the museum passes.  That's life with a toddler I guess.  Despite all that, it was nice to spent a day together as a family.  It's been at least 2 months since we had one.

When he wasn't clinging to my leg, K managed to have some fun with the "fishies"

He enjoyed this the most:

And here's what I got when I tried to take nice family shots... LOL



Saving money for the holidays: Part 1

I know what you're thinking.  Why is she thinking about the holidays already?!  Like it or not, Christmas is about 20 weeks away.  Only 133 days of saving left.  The holiday season is a busy one at our house.  Someone special has a birthday on November 8, we host Thanksgiving and Christmas each year, and I celebrate my birthday on New Year's Eve.  It can be an expensive time of year, especially for a family on a really tight budget like ours. 

Last year, money was at a minimum.  Like non-existent, really.  But I LOVE the holidays and couldn't help but to get a few things for under the tree.  I had to really work hard to save a few extra bucks here and there to be able to come up with enough for a very modest Christmas.  I spent about $50 total.  I got lists early, shopped sales, and of course I used coupons!  I was able to get a few toys for K, a couple shirts for Sam, and we did stocking stuffers.  That's it.  I was finished shopping the week after Thanksgiving.  It was awesome.  In my opinion, it turned out to be the best holiday season ever!  It forced us to really just focus on spending time with family and friends and less on running around town, fighting crowds of people, and buying unnecessary things with money we didn't have.  For me, it really put to focus back on what the Christmas season should be. It was stress-free and perfect. 

So, it's time to start planning for this year's holiday-palooza.  In this series of posts, I'll explain how we are saving money for holiday costs and getting ready early. 

First up, I started lists!  I'll need lists of potential gifts for each person I'll be buying for early so I can scour the sale ads and collect coupons as I see them.  I'm super Type-A so lists and plans are just second nature to me.  There might even be Excel spreadsheets involved (shhh). 

Most people can't think of what they want right off the top of their heads.  I know I can't at least!  So, I put a list on the refrigerator for each of us, and one for family gifts, so we can jot things down as we think of them.

Original Source



Next up, I'll talk about how I plan to come up with the CASH to pay for these gifts. 

August Challenges - Bucket lists, money, and dates!

Hello August!  We have a couple challenges this month:  1) family time; 2) save money; and 3) date night.

Summer days are starting to draw to a close and I want to be sure we take advantage of the Florida weather before colder, shorter, yuckier days arrive.  I know what you're thinking... Florida weather in August! UGH! I personally love these warm days and cannot stand being stuck inside the house, even if I have to battle the humidity.  Before the hussle and bussle of the holiday season starts, I want us to spend some much needed family time together.  I've mentioned before how we don’t have much time together - 8 hours total between two mornings.  If we don't have something on the agenda to do those mornings, before we know it we've spent our valuable 4 hours on errands and cleaning and it's time for my husband to head into the restaurant.  So I've come up with a Summer Bucket List of things we want to do together before the end of September.  With the help of inspiration from Pinterest and some LivingSocial deals we need to use, we literally have a bucket list:

·         Spend the day at the Aquarium

·         Have a picnic at the park

·         Check out a splash park in the area

·         Have a pizza lunch date

·         Take family pictures

·         Take a beach vacation

·         And more

Our next challenge is going to be to stay below budget this month.  I’ve been slacking a little in the couponing department and it just kills me to know that I paid too much for something.  With a little boy’s birthday and Christmas just around the corner, I want to start saving a little bit at a time for gifts.  Every dollar I save from the grocery budget is going away for gifts. 

Finally, and this is a big one, we have challenged ourselves to have a date night.  Like a real “get a babysitter” night out.  This might be tricky because Sam works nights and money is still tight, but I think it’s necessary.  It’s been nearly 2 years (embarrassing!) since we had a real night out - just the two of us.  We’ve been through a lot the past few years and it’s taken a toll on our relationship.  It’s time to put that first. 

So wish us luck in August!

Parenting: God's Greatest Gift / Parents' Biggest Challenge

While we are beyond grateful that we have a happy, healthy, smart 20 month old son, we find ourselves struggling to accept the challenges he will face as he grows older.  Our son was born with a port-wine stain birthmark that covers the majority of his left arm and hand.  

We've been incredibly lucky that the increased blood vessels have not had any impact on his growth or development so far.  Unlike other birthmarks in children, his will not fade or disappear and could potentially grow or change as he ages.  It could affect the way he grows and the way he is able to use his hand.  We monitor this closely with his pediatrician, a dermatologist and a neurologist.  What we fear most at this point are the social struggles he faces in the years to come. 

When he was younger, we got so many questions from everyone from family and friends to healthcare providers to complete strangers.  "He has a rash! Did he eat something strange?" "What's wrong with his arm?" "Oh, he has a strawberry mark too? The doctors say that will go go away".  We definitely struggled with how to respond.  I became defensive and angry.  My husband was sad.  We worked hard to overcome these reactions.  We knew that Kyran would learn to be affected the same way we were affected.  

As he's grown older, the comments seem to be few and far between and most days we forget he has it.  He gets the occasional question or comment from kids at parties or playgrounds. 

But today, for the first time ever, he noticed he was different.  He reached down, grabbed his arm, and told daddy he had a very big boo boo!  As parents, it breaks our hearts.  We don't ever want him to think he is different or somehow lesser of a person.  Tonight, with a tear in my eye, I will hug him as hard as I can and tell him how much I love him.  

I don't think our pre-children selves ever realized how much love we would have for our child and how we would do anything to see him happy. 

Creating a Happy Life

After a few suggestions, I've decided to attempt to blog.  YIKES!  To be honest, I've been hesitant to create a blog for a number of reasons.  I feel like many blogs portray a false sense of reality - a life where everything is perfect, families are always happy, houses are immaculately cleaned and organized and life is nothing but rainbows and sunshine.  I beat myself up over the lack of crafty things I get done, the lack of time I get with my son, and how disorganized and undecorated my home is.  I don't really need any help feeling inadequate.  I have to remind myself that life isn't always what seems online, a fact I've been reminded of a lot lately.  If I'm going to do this, it's going to be real!  This blog won't portray that "blog-perfect" life, simply put because my life isn't "blog-perfect".  I'm just a normal, working mother that struggles every day to make ends meet, keep up with my house, and provide a happy home for my family. My marriage isn't perfect, my house is a mess, and I go to therapy every week.  Am I prepared to really air my dirty laundry?  We'll see.  :)   But maybe if I can help inspire just one person it will be worth it. 

At the beginning of this year, my husband and I sat down and decided 2013 would be a year of self-improvement.  We wanted to become better people than we had become over the past year.  2012 had been a ROUGH one for us, throwing a lot of challenges our way and by the end of the year we were worn down, discouraged, bitter, angry, and just not happy with ourselves.  We simply did not want to live this way any longer and had to find a way out of this slump for our son's sake. 

I knew I wanted to become a better wife, mother, friend, worker, Christian ... the list goes on and on.  But that was a daunting task without any tangible goals I could reach.  So, instead we came up with 52 small things we could do each week to become better people.  52 weeks in the year - 52 small changes.  Over time, this has morphed into us taking on monthly challenges that give us a little more room for error.

This blog will track our monthly self-improvement "challenges" and other ways we strive to make our life a happy one - one that feels good on the inside, not just looks good from the outside.